The Bravery of Cultivating Safety
I used to think bravery and safety were at odds, but know I understand that they need each other
This note will be short. I’m running up against my own limitations after a (wonderful) weekend away with other writers and creatives, and my body, mind, and spirit are still trying to catch up with each other (and the laundry piles in my home).
I shared this photo and the words following it on Instagram this morning, and I wanted to share them in this space as well:
“I’m familiar with being on the other side of a rope, looking in, observing, reading and learning about what I see, but never belonging in the picture. You too?
This past Friday-Monday at the Redbud Writer’s retreat was like that, but instead of merely admiring and observing from afar, we were invited to step over the rope and into the snapshots we knew of one another and each other’s work.
Words like warmth, welcome, spacious, safe, and belonging kept coming to mind when I hoped or prayed for the retreat in the weeks prior, but to be honest, there was a bit of Thomas’ doubt in me as I prayed. I thought of women who were used to living in the margins, the creatives who find shadow spaces a comfort and cover. I thought of the spaces I’ve known that took too many deep breaths to step into, the ones that said “everyone is welcome,” but required a silent code of cool or homogeneity that I could never fake. I thought of the places with gatekeepers who would watch my every move, every word, every everything, waiting like the sleeping twin sphinxes in The Neverending Story—their laser eyes made to fire at every misstep, insecurity, misfit and mistake.
But this retreat was different. It was a little bit of Caravaggio’s Incredulity of Thomas come to life in me. I felt the holes in Jesus’ body in the stories of fellow writers I broke bread with. It was a glimpse of shalom for me and for this representation of our guild.
If there was any spirit of competition, we must’ve silenced it before it silenced any of us. If there was a desire to hide away, there was a greater collective desire to support and seek one another out.
These are the words and phrases women spoke as they gathered their things to go home on Monday: warmth, welcome, embraced, like I belong, like we were made to collaborate…safe.
Again and again, that word: safe.
I used to think bravery and safety were at odds.
Now I know, feeling safe and creating safety is brave work.”
My friend Aundi is a therapist and author and all-around amazing person and friend, and she recently posted this quote by Dr. Stephen Porges:
“Feeling safe is the treatment, and creating safety is the work.”
If you aren’t following her, go do so now - the space she creates online is such a balm.
If you’re like me, you grew up thinking that safety was something you had to discard or shove through, but I’m learning, however late, that it is the place we can begin in, and heal in, and work to create for the sake of everything good. I’ve been thinking a lot about the safety Jesus created in his communities and it’s re-orienting my thinking and fueling me with hope. More to come on all of that soon.
What have you experienced and/or been taught about the connectedness of bravery and safety?
I’d love to hear your thoughts and chat more in the comments below.
And now, without further ado, and as promised, the winner of my Come Sit With Me book giveaway is…Stephanie Unton!!!!!
Send me a DM with your address, and I’ll get the book to you asap.
Grateful and Shalomsick,
Coming together in a safe space with no competition to envy is a treat. Bravery and safety need one another- this is going in my journal this week.
Really felt this one. Timely.